Butterfly Season
By Collette Gibbons, PMHNP, FNP
Maybe the nest is not empty. Maybe it is simply changing.
That question everyone keeps asking
For years, I casually used the term “empty nester” when talking with friends whose last child was heading off to college. I never thought much about it because I still had my fourth child at home, and it was one of those questions to start a conversation. I was one of those parents who started early and ended later – with a little “whoops” in the mix – so this stage of life seemed far away.
Then people started asking me that question, “What are you going to do now that you are an empty nester?” At first, the question did not seem like a big deal. But as months passed and the day came closer to dropping off my baby at college, I started to feel a knot in my throat every time I heard it. I honestly want to avoid the question all together.
It was not only the question that bothered me. It was the look that sometimes came with it – the sad eyes and concerned expression, almost as if someone had died. I just never realized how many feelings such a simple question could stir up.
Maybe we should give ourselves some credit
Watching a child leave home can make us feel proud, sad, excited, lonely, relieved, and worried – sometimes all before breakfast. A major family transition naturally changes our routines, relationships, and sense of purpose.
Wasn’t this the goal? We raised our kids to become independent, capable adults who can build a life of their own. If they are ready to step into the world, I should pat myself on the back. We did our job … so we should be celebrating!
From empty nest to Butterfly Season
Once I got past the sadness of the word “empty”, I started thinking of my own independence. Who am I besides being a mother of four children? I have always worked, played some sport like tennis, and enjoyed spending time with friends. Still, I found myself wondering, “Okay, what do I do now?”
I decided I did not want to call this next chapter empty. So, the next time someone asks how I am doing as an empty nester – especially with those sad eyes – I have a new answer: “I am in my Butterfly Season”.
A butterfly is a symbol of transformation, growth, and freedom. The house may be quieter, cleaner, and the grocery bill may finally go down, but my life is not empty. It is changing.
“It’s butterfly season, I’m finding my wings
A good time for leaving behind the old me
Headed for blue skies and lavender fields
Don’t know where I’m landing, just know how it feels”
- “Butterfly Season” by Ella Langley
Making room for yourself … Will you join me
So, I am inviting anyone else going through new chapter to join me in Butterfly Season.
Let’s stop asking what we are going to do now as if the best part of life is behind us. Instead, let’s ask what we finally have room to do next.
For me, that might be learning more about history, finally cleaning out my closets, getting up early, going to bed early, or sitting peacefully in a quiet house without anyone asking what is for dinner. There is no right way to do this and there is no deadline to figure it out.
A beginning rather than an ending
I will always be a mother, and I hope my children will always need me – just in different ways. This Butterfly Season invites me (and you) to carry those years forward while discovering what else brings me joy, meaning and peace.
So, I am retiring the phrase “empty nester” for myself. I am not empty. I am proud, a little emotional, definitely tired, but ready to grow. Now it is my turn and the beginning of Butterfly Season.